Tollerating the egomaniac
For those of you who dig the philosophical side of The Mad Shillelagh, I try to at least occasionally throw in something semi-sensible, amongst the bad poetry, fart jokes and sexual inuendo. So here's one of those segments.
When people give me feedback on my blog, it's almost invariably about what I've said on self-esteem. Hence, I've been thinking a lot about the issue. This led me to thinking about the role of self-esteem and 'other-esteem' if you will, in how we relate to other human beings, and how they relate to us.
You might remember I said others (these days) actually compliment me on both physical things and my personal characteristics. Now I'll be honest - if no-one else strokes my ego, I'm not above stroking my own (I know what you're thinking, you dirty little degenerate - it's not an indirect physical reference). So why do my peers tollerate my gargantuan ego and actually go so far as to feed it?
The reason my friends humour me is (I sincerely hope, because I try to convey this) because I have every bit as much pride in my friends as I do in myself. I don't see why ego can't be a thing shared. We do, after all, include the people we surround ourselves with, in defining ourselves as individuals. It is entirely natural, in the course of conversation, for me to say 'now this is what I like about you...' and rattle off whatever trait said friend has impressed me with.
Friendship is a kind of relationship and I think perhaps people don't realise friends need validation and consideration every bit as much as lovers and close relatives. Friendships - even the merest of them - need to be looked after. Now don't get me wrong - I take the piss out of my friends (almost constantly). But even within the ritual berrating we Australians love to give those closest to us, we can show a knowledge and appreciation of our friends. Confused? What I mean is that when we know our friends well, we have the tact to avoid things we know to be particularly sensitive, and we show we've observed things about them, with the rest of it. Some brilliant friendships in my life (such as that with a former co-worker of mine) began with verbal sparring and a contest of wit, by which we came to know and respect each other. It also required laughing at ourselves and acknowledging our shortcomings.
So where am I going with all this? Honestly, I'm not entirely sure, myself. I think I may be posing another way for you self-loathing saps out there to see something good about yourselves. Who we choose as friends can tell us a lot about ourselves. If you don't like your friends, you probably don't like yourself much, either. But if you stop now and realise what beautiful people you have close to you, think about what it means.
For my part, I'm a semi-social person. What this means is I try to get along with everybody, but I'm choosy about who I let close to me, and even then I don't see them overly often (partly because most of them live miles away, and partly because I'm the type who likes to retreat to my hobbit-hole and keep my own company, or that of a good book). Don't choose friends for their 'fashionability' or who demand you to fit into a lifestyle or way of thinking that doesn't suit you. And certainly don't pine for the friends you want but who don't want you. It really is miserable.
Going back to my days in high school and all that horridness associated with being identified as Pizza the Hut (well, their nicknames were less imaginative, but you know what I mean) I, like any teenager, would have liked to be accepted by the 'in' crowd. Didn't happen, obviously. I was a stray, and I made friends with other strays. But let me tell you they were a heck of a lot more fun to hang out with.
Part of what's made me happy since those days is coming to the realisation that I don't give a shit what people think of me. I'm not like the 'in' crowd and that's okay. I'm not like the rebel crowd either, that's said to themselves 'the popular people rejected me so I'll be as different to them as I can be to show them so'. It's all about them, isn't it?
I know I have some things in common with the ones everyone likes, other things in common with the underdogs and rebels, and some things in common with nobody in particular. So, I am who I am, and those who really like it (few though they are) have offered me their friendship and accepted mine. Those who don't leave me alone ('cos I don't take crap from them); and those on the fence (including 'in' people, rebels, underdogs and loner/wierdo types etc.) banter with me when I'm around and send me the occasional SMS. I don't fit into a class; I merely am.
Coming back to the moral of the story: don't be a friend whore. There's no pay-off for sucking up to people that don't want you, and it's downright demoralising. Choosing your friends with care will help you understand yourself and feel good about yourself. Don't worry if your friends aren't many or even if they're popular; just make sure they're good. They are, after all, a reflection of you.
PS If you click on the link, it'll take you to the lyrics of a dodgy little song about friendship.
When people give me feedback on my blog, it's almost invariably about what I've said on self-esteem. Hence, I've been thinking a lot about the issue. This led me to thinking about the role of self-esteem and 'other-esteem' if you will, in how we relate to other human beings, and how they relate to us.
You might remember I said others (these days) actually compliment me on both physical things and my personal characteristics. Now I'll be honest - if no-one else strokes my ego, I'm not above stroking my own (I know what you're thinking, you dirty little degenerate - it's not an indirect physical reference). So why do my peers tollerate my gargantuan ego and actually go so far as to feed it?
The reason my friends humour me is (I sincerely hope, because I try to convey this) because I have every bit as much pride in my friends as I do in myself. I don't see why ego can't be a thing shared. We do, after all, include the people we surround ourselves with, in defining ourselves as individuals. It is entirely natural, in the course of conversation, for me to say 'now this is what I like about you...' and rattle off whatever trait said friend has impressed me with.
Friendship is a kind of relationship and I think perhaps people don't realise friends need validation and consideration every bit as much as lovers and close relatives. Friendships - even the merest of them - need to be looked after. Now don't get me wrong - I take the piss out of my friends (almost constantly). But even within the ritual berrating we Australians love to give those closest to us, we can show a knowledge and appreciation of our friends. Confused? What I mean is that when we know our friends well, we have the tact to avoid things we know to be particularly sensitive, and we show we've observed things about them, with the rest of it. Some brilliant friendships in my life (such as that with a former co-worker of mine) began with verbal sparring and a contest of wit, by which we came to know and respect each other. It also required laughing at ourselves and acknowledging our shortcomings.
So where am I going with all this? Honestly, I'm not entirely sure, myself. I think I may be posing another way for you self-loathing saps out there to see something good about yourselves. Who we choose as friends can tell us a lot about ourselves. If you don't like your friends, you probably don't like yourself much, either. But if you stop now and realise what beautiful people you have close to you, think about what it means.
For my part, I'm a semi-social person. What this means is I try to get along with everybody, but I'm choosy about who I let close to me, and even then I don't see them overly often (partly because most of them live miles away, and partly because I'm the type who likes to retreat to my hobbit-hole and keep my own company, or that of a good book). Don't choose friends for their 'fashionability' or who demand you to fit into a lifestyle or way of thinking that doesn't suit you. And certainly don't pine for the friends you want but who don't want you. It really is miserable.
Going back to my days in high school and all that horridness associated with being identified as Pizza the Hut (well, their nicknames were less imaginative, but you know what I mean) I, like any teenager, would have liked to be accepted by the 'in' crowd. Didn't happen, obviously. I was a stray, and I made friends with other strays. But let me tell you they were a heck of a lot more fun to hang out with.
Part of what's made me happy since those days is coming to the realisation that I don't give a shit what people think of me. I'm not like the 'in' crowd and that's okay. I'm not like the rebel crowd either, that's said to themselves 'the popular people rejected me so I'll be as different to them as I can be to show them so'. It's all about them, isn't it?
I know I have some things in common with the ones everyone likes, other things in common with the underdogs and rebels, and some things in common with nobody in particular. So, I am who I am, and those who really like it (few though they are) have offered me their friendship and accepted mine. Those who don't leave me alone ('cos I don't take crap from them); and those on the fence (including 'in' people, rebels, underdogs and loner/wierdo types etc.) banter with me when I'm around and send me the occasional SMS. I don't fit into a class; I merely am.
Coming back to the moral of the story: don't be a friend whore. There's no pay-off for sucking up to people that don't want you, and it's downright demoralising. Choosing your friends with care will help you understand yourself and feel good about yourself. Don't worry if your friends aren't many or even if they're popular; just make sure they're good. They are, after all, a reflection of you.
PS If you click on the link, it'll take you to the lyrics of a dodgy little song about friendship.
posted by The Mad Shillelagh | 9:55 am
2 Comments:
mmkay, lost my thought train. Going to have to walk again. Hey that bit about friend whoredom is nice! What was nice on the weekend was that I put such principles into action at a party of fashionables (I'm not fashionable) - ie.. I put the merest effort into trying to dress up for the occasion - I wore a dressing gown. For context's sake - It was a saints and sinners party. That's all I've got to say.
Yeah well i would have to say, u truly are a good person, u remind me of me alittle. Its nice to see smart, and goodnatured people voicing their humorous opinion. I appreciate u. That might sound weird but hopefully not. i have a clear personality, and feed of of other peoples energy most of the time. I can best portray myself during the start of a new relationship, but then i start relying on others to feed the relationship. Im very flexible and really just like helping people. But i recognize the hangin out with the strays and i started that along time ago. Sounds like u are free. As in FREE! free to be? Well i sure hope that u are satisfied with your life, and keep up the jokes and giggles, they rock. I sound a little dry right now, but i have to say that reading your philosophical side of u is kinda depressing, as is mine trust me, I mean you are right! by all means its just exactly what i am. Well i added my two cents, hope u have an outstanding day! bye!
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