Thought for the day # 7

Old MacDonald was dyslexic, EOIOE!

Life as a grunt

I work for a supermarket. Thankfully, I'm in night fill (which, to those of you who don't know, means I stick the stuff on the shelves), so most of the hours I work are without customers around. Ah, but when they are...

Customers are rude. They often act as if you're an inconvenient object without sentience. They'll barge through where I'm working, or stand right where I need to be (for ages) without bothering to say 'excuse me' or anything decent like that. Half of them are like cows chewing grass, utterly unaware of anything but the grass. How I'd like to do some cow tipping!

To their credit, some customers are nice. You occasionally get what I call a 'polite customer day'. Just one day out of the blue where customers do say 'excuse me' or apologise for being a pain in the arse. Some even make pleasant conversation with you. I like those days, because the use of manners takes some of the built up agro out of me. I don't mind someone being in my way, if they at least acknowledge that they are, and have the decency to apologise for it. Then I don't feel like stuffing them in the box crusher! (Always wanted to see how many would fit in there, though...)

Then there are what I call 'inquisitive customer days'. These are the days when just everybody has a question. For some reason I keep getting asked for obscure shit like donkey paste or somesuch that either doesn't exist or is so well hidden even I haven't noticed it in my five years of boring but loyal service. Not that some idiot doesn't keep changing all the shelves around on a regular basis. It's supposed to keep the customers wandering around longer, so they find things they didn't know they wanted to buy. Another brilliant idea from the people who brought you beer milkshakes! That is to say, Head Office is full of gimboids who wouldn't know the inside of a supermarket from a cow's udder. Shifting shit around pisses people off! It doesn't take a genius to figure that out, and customers whinge at me all the time, to prove it!

Mostly I love the stupid questions. 'Where is the milk?' Well, it's not in the freezer, which you're facing, but is directly behind you in the fridge, where milk is usually kept, and the section is smegging huge! Oh, and here's a beauty: 'you've got 40% juice cordial - what about 100% juice cordial?' It's bloody juice! Am I having a Basil Fawlty moment...? I'll give you one more, before I move on. One of my male colleagues came up to me one day and quietly asked 'what do you tell a customer who asks where your nuts are?' Me, I'd have to say 'sorry mate, you're mistaken'. Bwahaha!

This last bit I say more as a consumer than a night filler. It's about the products themselves, and how they smell. It amazes me how they sell some of these things.

1. Men's hygene products

Be it a deodorant, aftershave or shower gel, almost every male hygene product you can get from a supermarket smells like bloody fly spray! I find this most unfathomable! Do men enjoy smelling like fly spray, or is it just something the market forces on you?

2. Cleaning products

There are two in particular which come to mind, though I suppose naming them would get me in trouble and possibly sued. You'll forgive me, I'm sure, for wanting to avoid that. Anyone who cleans once in a while could probably tell which ones they are, anyway. There's one which smells quite distinctly like mouldy cheese. It's a spray one for ceramics and stuff, to give you a hint. And the other smells like (*insert drum roll here*) stale spoof! You know, that smell that arises the morning after. (That one comes - if you'll excuse the pun - in a cylindrical blue bottle.) And these are cleaning products, for crying out loud! Sure, I want my house smelling of mouldy cheese and stale spoof. Good lord!

Driver's arm

Uni is finally finished! What that means is I'm slowly finding out I'm a human being again, and not a human doing. It also means that over time I will be getting a little bit less nocturnal. It's already beginning. The effect of this is drivers arm... that is, I'm driving a little bit in the day time instead of just in the wee small hours, procrastinating instead of working on my assignments. As the weather gets warmer, I tend to hang my right arm out the car window, and it's developing a profoundly deeper tan than can be found on any other part of my body. One of the joys of summer. The other is the obscene number of presents I have to buy.

My 2nd anniversary with my man is today. Yay for me! (I won't describe the celebration for you - anyone who's read this blog knows what this horny bugger will be up to!) Not long after that is my birthday, my brother's birthday, my mum's baptism anniversary (which she regards as far more important than her birthday), then Christmas, then my man's birthday, and my nephew's birthday. Aaargh! All the extra work this grunt gets with the silly season won't see me any better off, financially. Oh well, at least it'll make the debt smaller (*sigh*). I need an iced coffee. With alcohol in it... I believe that's Bailey's. Sounds good!

Something amusing

Here's a little something a mate of mine e-mailed me, recently. It's a list of perfectly legitimate (and in most cases boring) businesses with really dodgy web addresses. Figured this might keep you amused until I have the energy to get deep and meaningful with you again. Uni's had me stressing out and driving around in Mega Procrastination Mode! Happily, it's almost over now, and you'll have my attention again soon. Meanwhile, here's the funnies:

1. A site called 'Who Represents' where you can find the name of the agent that
represents a celebrity.
Their domain name is none other than...

www.whorepresents.com

2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and
views at:

www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at:

www.penisland.net

Yup. Reckon I'll be going there!

4 Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at:

www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company...

www.powergenitalia.com

I'd put the word 'ranger' in there somewhere... :-D

6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales:

www.molestationnursery.com

7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always:

www.ipanywhere.com

8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is:

www.cummingfirst.com

9. Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:

www.speedofart.com

Sounds like me after an iced coffee. ;-)

10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at:

www.gotahoe.com

Just because I can # 6

I often drive anywhere within (and sometimes beyond) a 100km radius and back in the wee small hours. Just because I can.

Thought for the day # 6

Panties.

Just because I can # 5

Thought for the day # 5

Cheesecake, munchin' on a cheesecake, gobble gobble, cheesecake... Cheesecake, yum!

Feeling appreciated

Figured it was probably time for a half sensible post. My apologies to Mad Shillelagh addicts that haven't seen much new or thoughtful stuff lately. Uni's been pretty full on, being the end of year and all, so I'm not deliberately ignoring you, my dear neglectereenos! (It's not a real word, so don't quibble with my spelling!)

I just thought I'd say thanks to those of you who have taken the time to make a comment or e-mail me (all the more so to the friends I've made as a result of it). Your feedback tells me that I am, in fact, reaching people and giving them food for thought and a bit of a giggle, which is largely why I set up the blog... well, that and to vent my own frustrations and appalling humour.

The last comment posted (much obliged, whoever you are) was both kind and candid. However egomaniacal I am, I can still muster the humility to say thank you for giving me your feedback and such unabashed praise. :) It's little things like that that make my day and remind me that I am indeed right about how awesome I am! (Don't worry, it's the shared ego thing - I think you guys are awesome, too!) Seriously, though, I really do value your comments and it's great to know I'm appreciated.

That said, feel free to continue reading and throwing in your opinions. I believe a blog should be an interactive experience and I'm willing to take on board any suggestions you give me (which is how the travel blog and various comments about stolen cheese made it to Where do all the calculators go?). And, of course, don't be scared to e-mail me. Can never have too many friends, you know. You can all bask in my shared ego. Bwahaha!

Thought for the day # 4

...Nuh. Lost it.

Just because I can # 4

Hot guy in shackles. What more do you want?

Playing with fire

I'm a bit of a disaster with fire. I thought about this the other day because of a minor incident with my heater. (For the record, there's still the occasional cold night happening at the moment.) I was just sitting there, watching TV, when a little puff of smoke came up from my shoe...

So, what other smeg-ups have I had? Only a couple, I suppose, but they were funny, or else I wouldn't be telling you. When I was still with my ex, I was cooking something in this crappy old saucepan he had. One of the handles had fallen off, and I had to hold on with an oven mit when I was stirring stuff. Then my ex comes along wanting attention - and getting it. Next thing I know, my hand is feeling quite warm... because the oven mit is on fire!

Last one: I used to have a gas oven, but the thingy to ignite it wouldn't work. I had to use one of those stove lighters to start it up, but one time it took a few shots to get it going, and the gas had built up quite a bit. There was a big fireball and I could smell burning hair... I discovered soon after that my eyelashes were a bit shorter than I remembered them being...

Thought for the day # 3

The young shall inherit age. If they die before they age, then the worms shall inherit the young.

Just because I can # 3

Weren't expecting that, were ya?